The worlds in my head

I’m pissed at myself, and I am a little bit losing patience with myself. Because I am quiet, and I am scared. And scared of what exactly? And me, quiet? Like, seriously?

And the thing is, I absolutely believe in my ideas. They are good. And I definitely believe I could change something, whether for one person or 100, doesn’t actually matter. Changing the world for one person already makes it worth all the work and effort.
And maybe my ideas sound weird and unconventional and even a bit naive, and phase 3 in my model probably sounds like a pipe dream, or batshit crazy, I don’t care. At least here, in my head. Up here, I can be brave, slay the dragon, save the girl. Up here, it’s save. Out there, a whole different story. I wasn’t always like this. I don’t remember the exact moment when I stopped sharing the worlds in my head with others, but I feel like I remember something about it maybe hurt too much.

Yeah, I‘m not sure if that makes sense either.

Anyways, it’s fucking hard to share your ideas. It is for me, in any case. Because my ideas have fantasies attached to them, whole worlds created to go through possibilities, play out scenarios, create new ideas, and build and build. And to tell all that to someone, to share so much of yourself, is scary.

But I need to start talking about them, and not only in my head. If I don’t start talking about those ideas, I’ll never get anywhere. I don’t wanna be quiet anymore, I wanna be loud. I don’t wanna be scared. I wanna be who I am and do what I wanna do. Go, and slay the dragon out there. Maybe save some other girl.